Pages Matam - God Circus (Writing)

A Piece on overcoming depression, inner turmoil, and rejoicing in celebration. Knowing you are #necessary


“God Circus” (A #Necessary epiphany)



day, when God ordains life to hand you a Circus, make a grand ceremony of your limbs in an act of revel and amazement, lights screaming color as loud as the effervescent sea of congregation watching your every move as if your steps were prey for feasting eyes, your bones rearranging into a machine with a gorgeous praise waiting on the other end of the beat.



Instances per hour, you will have to convince yourself

That your will is bold ringmaster.


Your voice a calliope whistling a truth

that can be heard being sung from many miles.


Do not ignore the strength of your resonance.

Your hands are a ten ringed circus,


Ready to set the sky in a blaze of imagination,

tipping stars off balance until you gain complaint notes from Libras.


SCREW the constellations...

they don’t know your STRUGGLE!


The many times your wrists were

the uneven jagged muse for steel contortionists.


How you trapezed your way through depression until

you wanted to make a disappearing act of self.


How swallowing your pride was a fire eater’s composition,

And corde lisse was a heavy mistake your neck couldn’t loop out of.



Jumping through hoops the

Size of a cheerio for

Friends and family,


when you’d barely step

through your opportunity’s flawed routine.


“Selfless,” has been a

part of your show always. Your

Trampoline heart that


all could bounce back from.

While you remain tumbling fool,

Making it this far.



All of the times,

We made silly clowns

of ourselves. Red nosed

amalgam of crushing insecurities


Hiding behind powdered masks,

Exhaust shielding smiles that

tired your soul, trying

To find inner comfort.


When you began tightrope

Hoping not to fall,

Weaving your endeavors into

safety nets for dismount,


Often drinking and sex

turned you human cannonball

landing on the wrong

side of irrevocable consequence.



beasts inside of you, each with the face of past lovers

You thought could be tamed by a stranger’s lips,

If only choice was just as random.

The brush of their hands, a maze you didn’t want to get out of

But you were always an escape artist, Jellyfish, daring devil. 


6 (is 9).

In the circus profession,

Morphing felt into different shapes of hats is called Chapeaugraphy.

How many hats have you found yourself wearing when world felt different?

When nothing went according to plan

in juggling act of pleasure and keeping roofs over heads.

When deciding between eating today or chasing dreams tomorrow?

Sacrifice, is hitting rock bottom and the bottom hits back

TWICE as hard, grabbing you by the throat screaming




Encore! Round of applause!

You will often be your only audience

the biggest elephant in your empty room.

No one can be greatest supporter of you like you can.

Learn to treat this notion less like default and more birthright.

Do not transmute alone into loneliness

Let love do its bidding, The show...will go on.

Posted on October 8, 2014 .